I have been investigating different ways of
writing a journal based upon the Reid and Moon framework. I
discovered that naturally I would use a combination of description,
initial reflection and evaluation with the occasional 'what if'
cropping up every now and then! However, I also consciously tried out
the other ways and I discovered that each method drew something quite
different out of me in terms of how personal it was. For instance,
when using a list I found that I unravelled a lot of how I was
feeling emotionally about a particular day. Similarly this is the
case when I create charts and diagrams of my day. Therefore I feel
these methods of very useful to me when I really need to get to the
bottom of how I am feeling, as obviously this can have a huge impact
on how I am working and how I make sense of what happens in the work
place. However, they are too personal to me and therefore not
appropriate to be posted on a public forum. Focusing on a 'what if'
can be quite daunting I found! I often feel that I should not be
imagining something really great happening and the thought of looking
into what could have gone wrong can also seem overwhelming if you
have to repeat whatever it was again, a performance for example.
I find writing from another person's point of
view fascinating because I feel like it really helps me to get a new
angle on why someone may have acted the way the did and often makes
me feel more of a sense of empathy for that person. Again when
considering ethics here I feel it would not usually be right to share
a day in which I wrote from another's point of view publicly.
Therefore, I am posting a day in which I used description, initial
reflection, evaluation and a few 'what if's'. I am also not using any particular names for ethical purposes.
November
10th
Today we
toured to Taunton for our performance of Red Riding Hood. We had
class at the theatre which was hard because I was wearing new shoes!
I feel like people were watching me feeling like maybe I look a bit
weaker. However, when I analyse this thought, I suppose it is likely
that it is just within my head because I find it difficult to feel my
balance in new shoes and therefore lose confidence. I then helped out
with a workshop before the performance. There was a real combination
of ages and abilities, ranging from 14-18 with some having very
little experience of ballet. and others being really quite talented.
One boy in particular had a lot of potential and I was very surprised
to hear that he was only training at a local dance school. I almost
wanted to speak to him afterwards but then I thought I should not.
Reflecting on the day now I am thinking what would have happened if I
had. The boy may have had a boost of confidence and been inspired to
pursue a career in dance. However, some of the other young people may
have heard and then they would feel a sense of inadequacy.
I think
the workshop was run exceptionally well by one of the dancers. He seems to have
just the right approach for that age range of young people, treating
them more on an equal level yet still putting them at their ease with
quite a relaxed manner. The workshop began with a short class. I
managed to correct some of the students at the barre although I have
noticed that I tend to speak very quietly and generally need to be
more authoritative. I still feel quite lacking in confidence when it
comes to teaching this age range of students. At the end of the
workshop there was a creative section where the students had to adapt
some of the repertoire we had taught them to make up their own dance.
It was interesting to see that one group really embraced this
challenge with creativity, however everyone within the group did seem
to know each other quite well. The other groups found this exercise
challenging. I found myself asking the question how can we draw
creativity out of people when they are a bit nervous and uneasy with
themselves or a new situation? The same question emerged later,
during the performance, when I was doing my own motif of
choreography. The challenge I always face is remembering my material
when I am nervous as I tend to blank out on the order. Especially
because we are dancing on different sized stages every night and we
need to be able to adapt the work to fit in each theatre. With the
performances of this ballet coming up in London and Cardiff I am now
contemplating how I can change this. I think that some time to really
rehearse in the studio next week will help a lot as so far we have
had very little rehearsal time.
My ribbon
came undone in one of the sections and I had to employ reflection in
action in order to decide whether to leave the stage or continue to
run and dance. I panicked and then decided it was safest to run off
at the next appropriate moment. In the space of a few seconds I had
to weigh up the pros and cons of staying on stage. Here are some of
the things that went through my mind:
Pros:
That I would prove that I could continue no matter what happens.
Cons:
I could fall and injure myself.
It would
be more noticeable to the audience and would look a little
unprofessional.
I would
most likely not be able to perform the choreography properly.
The
decision was therefore quite clear to me and I left the stage at the
next available moment and re entered when I had fixed it. I spoke to
the director afterwards and he had not even noticed!
I felt
quite tired during this show, possibly because I went to the gym
yesterday. This has caused me to consider what elements of training
should be employed when on tour and performing. I personally feel
that I always need to push my body to its maximum. However, now that
I am in a job, I also have to ensure that I am always in peak
condition for everything I am being paid to do (still cannot believe
I am being paid to do what I love every day!) It can be hard because
I am always thinking about wanting to improve. I tend to forget that
the process of improvement when pushing the body daily can sometimes
have temporary, adverse effects. This is not always a risk that can
afford to be taken when performing.
I have really
enjoyed exploring different ways of writing my journal and definitely
feel that the new strategies are helping me to draw out information
from myself and my days which otherwise I would find hard to access.
I have also been contemplating how crucial journals have been going back in time in terms of historical documentation and how much we have to thank them for what we know about history. I visited Kensington Palace last year and took a picture of a diary entry from Queen Victoria's journal, it is the day she met Prince Albert. I have posted it here for your interest!
