Task 2b: Journal Writing Experience

I have been investigating different ways of writing a journal based upon the Reid and Moon framework. I discovered that naturally I would use a combination of description, initial reflection and evaluation with the occasional 'what if' cropping up every now and then! However, I also consciously tried out the other ways and I discovered that each method drew something quite different out of me in terms of how personal it was. For instance, when using a list I found that I unravelled a lot of how I was feeling emotionally about a particular day. Similarly this is the case when I create charts and diagrams of my day. Therefore I feel these methods of very useful to me when I really need to get to the bottom of how I am feeling, as obviously this can have a huge impact on how I am working and how I make sense of what happens in the work place. However, they are too personal to me and therefore not appropriate to be posted on a public forum. Focusing on a 'what if' can be quite daunting I found! I often feel that I should not be imagining something really great happening and the thought of looking into what could have gone wrong can also seem overwhelming if you have to repeat whatever it was again, a performance for example.

I find writing from another person's point of view fascinating because I feel like it really helps me to get a new angle on why someone may have acted the way the did and often makes me feel more of a sense of empathy for that person. Again when considering ethics here I feel it would not usually be right to share a day in which I wrote from another's point of view publicly. Therefore, I am posting a day in which I used description, initial reflection, evaluation and a few 'what if's'. I am also not using any particular names for ethical purposes.

November 10^th

Today we toured to Taunton for our performance of Red Riding Hood. We had class at the theatre which was hard because I was wearing new shoes! I feel like people were watching me feeling like maybe I look a bit weaker. However, when I analyse this thought, I suppose it is likely that it is just within my head because I find it difficult to feel my balance in new shoes and therefore lose confidence. I then helped out with a workshop before the performance. There was a real combination of ages and abilities, ranging from 14-18 with some having very little experience of ballet. and others being really quite talented. One boy in particular had a lot of potential and I was very surprised to hear that he was only training at a local dance school. I almost wanted to speak to him afterwards but then I thought I should not. Reflecting on the day now I am thinking what would have happened if I had. The boy may have had a boost of confidence and been inspired to pursue a career in dance. However, some of the other young people may have heard and then they would feel a sense of inadequacy.

I think the workshop was run exceptionally well by one of the dancers. He seems to have just the right approach for that age range of young people, treating them more on an equal level yet still putting them at their ease with quite a relaxed manner. The workshop began with a short class. I managed to correct some of the students at the barre although I have noticed that I tend to speak very quietly and generally need to be more authoritative. I still feel quite lacking in confidence when it comes to teaching this age range of students. At the end of the workshop there was a creative section where the students had to adapt some of the repertoire we had taught them to make up their own dance. It was interesting to see that one group really embraced this challenge with creativity, however everyone within the group did seem to know each other quite well. The other groups found this exercise challenging. I found myself asking the question how can we draw creativity out of people when they are a bit nervous and uneasy with themselves or a new situation? The same question emerged later, during the performance, when I was doing my own motif of choreography. The challenge I always face is remembering my material when I am nervous as I tend to blank out on the order. Especially because we are dancing on different sized stages every night and we need to be able to adapt the work to fit in each theatre. With the performances of this ballet coming up in London and Cardiff I am now contemplating how I can change this. I think that some time to really rehearse in the studio next week will help a lot as so far we have had very little rehearsal time.

My ribbon came undone in one of the sections and I had to employ reflection in action in order to decide whether to leave the stage or continue to run and dance. I panicked and then decided it was safest to run off at the next appropriate moment. In the space of a few seconds I had to weigh up the pros and cons of staying on stage. Here are some of the things that went through my mind:

Pros: That I would prove that I could continue no matter what happens.

Cons: I could fall and injure myself.

It would be more noticeable to the audience and would look a little unprofessional.

I would most likely not be able to perform the choreography properly.

The decision was therefore quite clear to me and I left the stage at the next available moment and re entered when I had fixed it. I spoke to the director afterwards and he had not even noticed!

I felt quite tired during this show, possibly because I went to the gym yesterday. This has caused me to consider what elements of training should be employed when on tour and performing. I personally feel that I always need to push my body to its maximum. However, now that I am in a job, I also have to ensure that I am always in peak condition for everything I am being paid to do (still cannot believe I am being paid to do what I love every day!) It can be hard because I am always thinking about wanting to improve. I tend to forget that the process of improvement when pushing the body daily can sometimes have temporary, adverse effects. This is not always a risk that can afford to be taken when performing.

I have really enjoyed exploring different ways of writing my journal and definitely feel that the new strategies are helping me to draw out information from myself and my days which otherwise I would find hard to access.
I have also been contemplating how crucial journals have been going back in time in terms of historical documentation and how much we have to thank them for  what we know about history. I visited Kensington Palace last year and took a picture of a diary entry from Queen Victoria's journal, it is the day she met Prince Albert.  I have posted it here for your interest!